Ogre Ayumi

it's been a while since my last post, hasn't it

who wouldn't known i'd get sick of making fun of ayumi lol
it's come to the point where i don't even have to do anything at all anymore because she can make fun of herself just fine

who names an album "GUILTY"? what is she guilty of? trying to be ichigo from bleach lol? natural, beautiful, cute, nervous, lovely; i don't know if she's insulting herself or trying to compliment herself lol. why you would want to identify yourself as nervous i do not know. what's particularily hilarious about this is the 'natural' part if you know what i mean. never would i thought plastics to be natural.

Oh well, I made this image at work when I had nothing to do lol be disgusted or have whatever feelings you want about it. enjoy

Tales from an Ayufag's perspective, Vol. I

ERIKA and the Awful Ayufag
Chapter 1
This is a tale of an Ayufag who hated ERIKA. He hated her so much, Satan would summon Ayumi's Minions to compell this being with the power to come up with bad excuses for her failure.

This is his tale.

"What a waste of the main award at the taishou :/," the Ayufag said, but this anger would only be the start of his evil reign.

Before the beloved ERIKA's single release, he announced
"The whole Saint Michel thing was a backdrop and she didn't even leave the country."
Unfortunately for the Ayufag, Erika proved him wrong and with not only her single, also brought an entire photobook and DVD of her in France! The Ayufag crawled in it's hole to weep of the fact that Ayumi did not win this award. Many laughed.

But this was not the end!

He came back for more! He again screamed into the ears of innocent civilians, "I think other than Ayu, there's no one else that has her lasting power with sales.. except maybe Hikki" and again "I bet it won't reach past 20k" he yelled!

The village laughed, as ERIKA's single surpassed 100,000 copies.


Chapter 2

"Ayu is so not tone deaf.
to have to redebut would be sort of embarrassing if she doesn't do well..,"
the Ayufag stood up and announced.

Jesus then smiled at the villagers, as they all laughed in their hearts, all thinking the same thing.
That Ayumi's debut album, "NOTHING FROM NOTHING," failed to such an extent, Ayumi herself prefers to forget it, and also his statement about ayumi being tone deaf, for her voice makes Mariah Carey cringe.

The villagers learned a valuable lesson.
When an Ayufag dares enter their village, it is best to stone it to death before peace is stolen. For not realizing this in time, the Ayufag will continue to talk shit until the end of time.
The villagers also learned a way to cope with this, that the Ayufag could be a good thing, a source of laughter for everyone for centuries, and it went on to be a big part of our humor today.


THE END

Some old quotes

“It's hard to decide how to match words to music. It's not like it's twice the work. It's always difficult for me to explain to the composer what I'm looking for. I'm not a professional; I lack even basic knowledge about writing music.”
ayumi admits she has no talent


“It was written in some newspaper that I'm a Japanese Britney Spears. I like her, and she's fun to watch, but I don't get the sense that she's her own creation. Who I really like is Madonna. What I admire is she's made it on her own terms.”
this one is particularily hilarious. she's dissing (past) britney for not being her own creation, yet admits she prefers to copy madonna. see: ayumi the copycat


“I read and watch movies. I can't go to the movie theater much anymore, though, because I get recognized. It's worse sometimes if I wear a costume and try not to get recognized. I watch most of my films on airplanes.”
LOLOLOLOLOLOL

“It sounds odd coming from me, but I realize what I say and how I look has a great impact.”
No sounds about right actually lol

TALKIN' 2 MYSELF???

It seems hamasaki has got into such a desperate position that she has to resort to, quote, "talkin' 2 myself."

With covers like this, you know the single sucks. Everyone knows Pepsi is better.


"kawaii ne do u like it u asked for more GAME i will give u game lol! don't shoot me"

desu

"-Pop queen Ayumi Hamasaki (浜崎あゆみ) has recently been rumored to be seeing a psychiatrist with her mother ever since her younger peer Koda Kumi has been gaining enormous popularity in Japan. Some people think that she's jealous of Koda's rapid rise to stardom and that she's got problems dealing with that.

According to Chinese music website yymax.com, Ayumi was betrayed by a man who claimed to be her former manager and best friend. This person started selling insider info and gossip about Ayumi to tabloids and magazines as early as this Spring. His news also include Ayumi's 'secret' dates with her rumored boyfriend Tokio at her mother's house. "

http://www.asianbite.com/default.asp?Display=235

lol

Distance recorded the highest first week sales for any album ever released in Japan with just over 3,000,000 copies sold. A BEST debuted right behind at number 2 with 2,900,000 in first week sales, the second highest first-week sales for an album in Japan.

AYUFAG SYNDROME

Lock your doors.
Hide your children.
Pray to Jesus.

Ayufag syndrome is a disease which affects everyone from ages three to three hundred. It is very dangerous and spreads more rapidly than the flu. Currently the disease is present in Japan, the United States, Korea, China, Malaysia, Indonesia, India, old men's underpants, etc.

Causes:
-Listening to Ayumi Hamasaki over an already excessive 30 minutes
-Dancing to any Ayumi Hamasaki song
-Wanting to be the next J-POP star
--Recording yourself singing and posting it on youtube and/or soundclick
-Insulting anyone who doesn't like an Ayumi Hamasaki song

Effects:
-Going deaf
-Yearning plastic surgery
-Going bankrupt

INFO: Though they share similar traits, retarded people should not be confused with Ayufags. Those who suffer from being retarded are actually happy and friendly people, as opposed to a typical Ayufag.

WARNING: WHEN EXPOSED TO AYUFAGS OR EVEN A SCENT OF AYUFAG SYNDROME, FLEE THE SCENE FOR ATLEAST TWO HOURS FOR THE AURA TO FADE FROM THE AREA.

So, about that new 'single'

Yeah, they sure did leak, since they sound derived from when she was leaking on the toilet. But who would have guessed, right?

Glitter is ABSOLUTELY and UTTERLY DREADFUL. Search up all synonyms of TERRIBLE and they completely DEFINE this song. If you hated fairyland wait till- no, don't even allow your ears to undergo such harm. For me, fairyland was cute and different for an ayumi song, a little annoying; but after you do it several more times it's completely annoying and disturbing. Disturbing. The English... changing your eyes doesn't make you white, Ayumi, and it never will. To be completely honest I couldn't make it through the whole song. It's that bad. I would rather Utada's Sanctuary a dozen times than ever feel such harm penetrating my ear drums. What's even more hilarious is that Ayufags claim 'it's so different.'


Now for fated, I was very surprised. It started out with an annoying rock area then went to peaceful flutes whistling across the horizon after a wonderful day... until the vocals starting. It was like having a picnic and all of the sudden a rhinosaurus comes along and completely smashes that potato salad you worked all night making.

glitter: 1/10 - reused and disgustified
fated: 6/10 - nice song, vocals decreased rating, annoying reused rock crap near the end

HELLO.

WELCOME TO HAMASATAN. Your new source for all of that Ayumi Hating glory that you have righteously kept inside you for so long in fear of Ayufags completely bombing your home! HERE you will experience NO PREJUDICE for HATING Ayumi Hamasaki. Come now, we all hate Ayumi, don't we? How can we deny the terrible vocals mimicing piglet and the copied (and ruined) fashions, hairstyles, and everything else here in Japan. The screeching that made your grandfather go deaf, and the hidden suggestive content in every one of her music videos. The influence on young Asian girls has overwhelmed them to spend ￥40000 on purses and even more so on plastic surgery. "私はあゆみのような目が欲しいと思います (I want Ayumi's eyes)" they tell surgeons. The corruption must STOP.

Now before you get into Ayufag mode, yes, I do have a life. This blog will be a collection of hilariously true things I find along the way through my daily life